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Shame Healing

Defining shame is a very critical task although it is a natural and healthy response even then sometimes it can be very infectious for the soul. When one compares the set standards they have for themselves and the action that they carry out and they are not consistent with each other, this experience can instigate shame. Even comparing your actions with the social standards can elicit shame response. Shame is a form of emotion but it can be displayed through an individual’s thought process, emotional state or affect.        

There are 2 forms of shame, one is the healthy form which induces growth helping one move ahead and prosper. It has the ability to teach from one’s mistakes and it does not cause the individual to corner or isolate them. The other form of shame is toxic in nature. As it is evident by its name it is destructive and pathological. It can direct the individual towards isolation and it reverses your progress.  The person going through toxic shame even disowns oneself. Toxic sham has the capability to take over the real self of an individual so it is very to identify the different versions of shame and its behavioral cover ups for example irrevocable on being faulty or hopeless, being mistaken or defensive; circulatory in nature by performing the internalized shame and then feeling ashamed about the shameful actions; as spiritual bankruptcy; grandiosity; narcissism; paranoid; self-alienation and isolation.

Reaching out for help to get support from trusted therapist, a support group, self- help books are the first thing suggested when we are dealing with toxic shame. When a person is successfully able to find a support group the individual is required to externalize and eliminate the beliefs in the shaming lies that the toxic shame has told you the entire life. Lies of such type include “I am good for nothing”, “I am all defective and there is nothing that can be done about It.”, “I cannot change my past so need to even try” etc. When a person believes in this lie that means you are under the control of toxic shame and it is operating your life. Lifeline believes the most important thing is to release yourself from the hold of these lies. Regular thought evaluation is required for freeing yourself. Lifeline Educates such a person with skills for emotional regulation and thought replacement strategies to help these individuals recover from the emotional damage the toxic lies has caused, so that these people are able to heal.

One more technique of shame healing is allowing the individual to put their real self to take over the control of life again. There are 3 steps involved in this method: The first ste is releasing the real self and is repressed and pushed back by toxic shame. The second step includes letting go the flawed self’s contol. The goal in this stage is empowering the individual and not let toxic shame utilize the cover up that it has been using for years. This step is a complex one it can be difficult but the individual needs to trust their real self. The third or the last step of this technique is known as embracing the lost inner self. Freeing the hidden self is still easy but it is really hard to accept this side.

Nevertheless, this step is critical for shame healing. Acceptance is the key to gain peace and come to terms with oneself and past wounds, which one might or might not be responsible for.